Ok, so perhaps this BP gas station sign isnt so amusing post the oil spill….

BP Oil and Gas spill advice

Well, this really doesn’t need too much explanation….!

Fired, Facebook Style

Well, itsNbits just received this email so its obviously started doing the rounds.

As itsNbits is at this time unable to verify the accuracy of the email and photo that were received, certain parts have been blocked out.

Begin Email Transcript:

D**** S***** ex Geelong player sent this around……

Here you go lads, read below.

Check out who sent the information, D**** S***** (ex AFL player)

Girl on the left , just before she fell pregnant to those dirty rotten sainters (A****** & G*****)

I’m friends with some young st kilda groupies on FB….that photo was taken at the st likda sydney game.. the chicks on fb know the girl..

Kind Regards,
D**** S*****
Finance Consultant
S******* F*****

End email transcript

In a stunning announcement, Subway has stated that there will be a potentially crippling change to its cheese allocation algorithm – and all cheese types are impacted: including the popular (but orange) tasty cheese in addition to cheddar and swiss. This change has the potential for upsetting the balance of Subs, and making 12″ subs unwieldy – perhaps even dangerous to yourself and those around you.

I am not alone in my concern. Russell, an important Subway customer who has asked to remain anonymous, has also provided commentary on this stunning announcement by Subway:

“I’m concerned the implementation date is July 1st however stores can choose to implement immediately. This may lead to an inconsistent sandwich experience for purchases from different stores and the resultant post traumatic stress disorder could be crippling.

I also fear for the staff with possible repetitive stress injury having to flip two cheese slices per sandwich. There’s no indication of an Occupational Health and Safety Analysis being performed which should include the additional preparation time per sandwich for this activity also increasing customer frustration with an increased delay in service further exacerbating the post traumatic stress of random process implementation.

Shareholders and franchisees should be very nervous.”

A good friend sent me this whilst we were having a discussion of Telstra shares and whats likely to happen to them.

Here are his Top 5 reasons why someone might go and buy Telstra shares right now:

1) Wanting to hedge against their lotto tickets

2) Compulsive masochistic disorder

3) Alzheimer’s onset

4) Clicked the wrong buttons on COMSEC website

5) Stupid enough to listen to their brokers suggestions without realising they’re double-dipping on the sales margins, once for buying in, then again when you wake up and SELL, SELL, SELL!

In the interests of transparency, both my friend and I must sadly declare that we own Telstra shares….

We have heard stories of at least one instance where a newspaper or similar found out about Tiger Woods having affairs, and traded it for an exclusive or cover story in place of publishing about the affair.

Well itnNbits has it on good authority that a whole multitude of journalists around the world knew all about many indiscretions involving Tiger for quite some time – likely years. Apparently, by unofficial pact, journalists around the globe had agreed not to make it public.

Those in the know apparently decided that Tiger was doing good overall, and a positive influence. As such, he wasn’t going to be torn down by a journalist trying to make themselves famous by publishing the big secret story.

That was until the National Enquirer broke the news, and lo and behold, Tiger became fair game.

Now it’s moved on to herds of women, Ambien-fueled sex romps and who knows what is to come? The speed at which information has come to life has been very fast – quite possibly because lots of journalists had photos and information already, and all they had to do was dig up past information they had kept.

So readers, here is a question for you: do you think it right that journalists – whose primary role is to report (hopefully in a not-too biased manner) – should actively agree to withhold something that most would consider highly news-worthy?

You can argue that it is his private life (and it sure is…or at least was), but it’s clear from the amount of coverage, coffee shop conversations and TV coverage that the public deems the story news-worthy.

So what else are the journalists choosing to hide from us?

The Commonwealth Government of Australia has excluded Telstra from the National Broadband Network (NBN) request for proposals process.

Based on a technicality: the failure to provide a plan to engage small to medium enterprises in Australia to help carry out the work, the Government has excluded Telstra from the process.

This is the next step in ongoing battles between the Government and Telstra senior execs who are well versed in playing hardball.

itsNbits expects this to be a short term issue designed to try to pull Telstra into line. Its unlikely a decent NBN can be made without Telstra playing a key role due to the size and complexity of the work required.

Running late. Massive cost overruns.

And never an answer as to why.

Sensible people asked why Victoria didn’t simply implement a proven system similar to London’s Oyster Card or Hong Kong’s Octopus card. Both are far cheaper, off-the-shelf and proven solutions that cater to volumes far in excess of what Victoria has in the foreseeable future – and do so at an much cheaper price.

Well now itsNbits has an exclusive insight: Victoria’s State Government is attempting to roll out a world-first technology, and is so desperate to success that cost and time are somewhat secondary considerations.

The planned system will enable public transport users to travel on trains, trams and buses without the need to swipe their Myki card. The card can stay in the user’s wallet or handbag, and the card readers will still be able to read the cards. All the user has to do is walk between or near the reading devices.

No need to fumble in your wallet to find the card. No pulling out cards and holding them near card readers.

Simply walk on through, and, in what is alleged to be a world first, the system will locate and identify your card, and bill you appropriately using the cheapest applicable fare. God knows where else they might stick readers to unknowingly track people, just like the silent (no beep) channel on E-tags used to track cars at various points around Melbourne they also tend to forget to tell us about.

At least some Mykis will offer an anonymous purchase option.

And that attempt to roll out a world first, ladies and gentlemen, is the key to the reason why there seems to be an insane cost-and-time-is-no-option logic being applied by the Victorian State Government. They have gone so far and it’s cost so much, that its likely they desperately need the glory of a world first to justify it all. And if they fail, then they pretty much have to admit that they spent an unnecessary fortune on a system equal to or potentially worse than any other similar system in the world.

Personally, I’d rather we get a $1B refund to the state coffers, spend $100M or so on a proven solution, and in return simply have to hold our Oyster card near a reading device. We could have done that several years ago. On time. On budget.

Instead they have wasted hundreds of millions of state money, have a solution that’s potentially still a fair way off before full and successful implementation, is likely to have significantly higher upkeep costs due to it being so heavily customised, and all so there are some bragging rights about not having to take your card out of your pocket.